Diabetes & Emotions

Not As Planned

In life, there are plenty of things that don’t go as planned. Last week I had plans with two people. One forgot and didn’t show. The other had a sick kid and had to cancel. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, really, but it changed my plans. It was out of my control. There was nothing I could do about it.

Things didn’t go as planned.

I could have gotten upset, but I knew there was no point. Letting myself have a moment of disappointment helped me to move on. I was able to quickly come up with a new plan for the morning.

However sometimes it’s not as easy to recover from a change of plans. There isn’t always a pleasant alternative.

I knew there was a high probability that I would become Type 2 at sometime in my life. My grandfather was Type 2. My mom is Type 2. I had gestational diabetes for all five of my pregnancies. The odds were not in my favor. Heredity was not in my favor. I was expecting to develop Type 2 some time in my 60s.

Things didn’t go as planned.

I was diagnosed two weeks before my 38th birthday. That’s not what I had planned. I have to admit the diagnosis wasn’t a surprise though. After all, I was the one who requested the blood work. Something told me to ask.

After getting the diagnosis, I had a plan. I was going to test my blood sugar four times a day every day. I was going to exercise every day. I was going to eat low carb every day. Of course I also knew I was going to let myself have occasional treats like ice cream or Snickers bars, but only when my numbers agreed.

Things didn’t go as planned.

I don’t always test my blood sugar. No every day. Not even every week. I still eat french fries every now and then. I don’t always check my glucose levels before having a Snickers. I’m not the perfect diabetic that I planned to be.

There. I admitted it. I’m not perfect. That’s not so bad, is it? Then why am I tearing up as I write this? Why can’t I remember to test as often as I should? Why is it so hard to exercise every day? And why are those treats so tempting? Why is it that I get so upset with myself when I don’t do it “right”?

Things didn’t go as planned.

I may feel out of control, but there is something I can do about it. Maybe today I’ll start by testing my blood sugar once each day. Ideally it would be fasting, but for now I’ll just try for once per day. Baby steps. Just one step at a time.

 

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6 Comments

  1. Oh boy do I feel this one! Great post Sue.

  2. Bennet

    Baby steps to a new plan sound like a great idea to me.

  3. Bea

    Sue, your post made me cry, too. In a good way, I guess… it showed me that I’m not the failure I think I am when it comes to my diabetes management. We all have great plans, but making them happen isn’t as easy as it seems. Thank you for sharing!

  4. None of us are perfect so welcome to the not so perfect club!
    Picking one thing is a good idea –

  5. Thanks for sharing, Sue. I think it’s hard to move through things that don’t go as planned because there is so much emotion and blame tied onto diabetes.

    Hang in there. Focus on progress, not perfection.

  6. Pat

    Hi:
    I feel your pain and totally understand. I was in denial for a long time. I hated it. I figured I could just alter my diet a bit and all will straighten out. Eventually I did all the alternative treatments I could imagine and knew I would beat this. I had hope, a lot of it. I still have Type 2, insulin dependent, but am now accepting of what I need to do to live. It isn’t always easy but I found that those who have diabetes are a great support system. These blogs are awesome. Hang in there!

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