Diabetes & Emotions, Management & Care

Denial isn’t a river in Egypt

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“A slave that acknowledges its enslavement is halfway to its liberation.” –Mokokoma Mokhonoana

As I sit to relax after eating a healthy lunch (green peppers stuffed with a mix of brown rice, chicken and veggies) I’m thinking why don’t I eat like this more often. In fact, I’m here thinking what happened in the past few months to make me completely derail from everything a person with type 2 diabetes should do in order to be healthy.

2013 has been hectic. For almost a year I was working two jobs so I could afford health insurance (see the irony?). My schedule was so crappy, I ate whatever was available, which means there were a lot of late night shifts that ended at the BK drive-thru. Decent sleep hours became a joke, so don’t ask me about exercise. My routine got completely screwed up, and I won’t get the award for taking my medications on time. Now my jeans feel tighter, you do the math. I feel tired which means my thyroid is angry. So it hasn’t been a good year for my diabetes management.

About a month ago my life changed for the better when I was offered a wonderful position at the college where I work. Now I have a regular week day, first shift, full time job. That certainly gives me time to plan things and take care of myself, but it’s taking me a while to get back on track.

The first thing I did was reassess my health and realize I haven’t seen my doctor since the beginning of May. My last A1C dates from March. I don’t remember when was the last time I tested my blood glucose levels because I ran out of strips, and the doctor will want to see me. But for a month I’ve been afraid to call and make that appointment… I am almost 100% sure my numbers will make her eyes cross.

Because taking my metformin has been rather an irregular thing, now that I’m taking it every day, as many times as required, my stomach is all messed up and I find myself cursing the diabetes demons. And while trying to decide how to soothe my poor stomach, I was thinking if I need a medication change, if it would be better to manage my blood glucose levels with insulin or if there will soon be a magic cure. Truth is, all I need to do is get out of denial and do what has always worked for me.

This is the story of my life. The story of the life of a person with type 2 diabetes. Especially one who doesn’t live on insulin. It’s homework every single day. Every decision affects our numbers. And the guilt paralyzes us.

I made my appointment with the doctor this morning. I know it won’t be pretty, but I ran out of excuses.

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4 Comments

  1. Navigating the diabetes waters is never easy… but the results of doing so are well worth it. Forward is the only way to go! Good luck, and congrats on the new job and getting through the last year.

  2. You’re writing about it! That’s a first step (or at least it is for me!)

    Congrats on the job changes. I must have missed it if you already posted about it on the interwebs. I don’t really know a ton about type 2 meds, but from my time on the message boards I seem to remember that there is an extended release version of metformin that helps a lot of people with their stomach trouble. Have you tried that?

  3. When life gets hectic it’s always tough to put taking care of our body and diabetes on the “to-do” list. I missed a couple of doses of Metformin recently so I’m right there with you in my enjoyment of the digestive issues that come with going back on. (At least we know they’ll pass soon!) Knowing how you’re doing is the first step to being able to do something about it, so good for you for making the appointment. Hopefully your doctor will talk to you about what you’ve been through and how she can help instead of lecturing. (I can’t stand being lectured.)

  4. Bea, I could have written this myself. In fact, I have! Kudos for recognizing what you need to do. You’ll get there.

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